My Code Of Conduct: 10 Behaviors Of An Enviable Man
The last few years have not been easy ones for me. I lost my way. I got distracted. I chased all the wrong things and trusted all the wrong people. I did not completely live up to the man I have always wanted to be.
But then that is life and there is nothing but action and intent to set it right.
This is my code of arms. The 10 intentions of my life. The marks of an enviable man. A man I am closer to being now than ever before. I have the last few years to thank for that.
Don’t talk about it before hand. Just take action now. Don’t look around, hesitate or wonder what someone else will do. Don’t announce it. Don’t speculate on it. Just take epic action always. Epic action means brave definitive action even when the outcome is uncertain, the goal undefined and the intention unclear. Talk is cheap, action is rich. You are defined by what you do not by what you say. Ironically, if all you do is talk and never act, you will be defined the opposite way in which you speak. Action defines who you are, talk degrades it.
Seek to understand before being understood. Assume you are the most ignorant person in the room. A man who knows all learns nothing. Allowing yourself to be taught by another builds trust and rapport. Only someone with a huge ego sees it any other way. You cannot not talk and learn, or speak and understand, at the same time. If you want to teach you must first learn and to learn you must first listen.
Speak the truth. When speaking truth remember two rules: first, your truth is not THE truth and second, the truth is almost always incomplete. Speak truth to the deepest degree you can. Truth can be subjective. When it is clarify you are speaking “your truth” not “the truth.” Truth is also often incomplete or one sided. When it is, acknowledge it is. When you speak ask yourself two questions 1) is this true 2) Is it necessary. Lies by omission or otherwise are poison to the soul.
See the world clearly. Look at it carefully. Go beyond the distractions of the outside world. Be aware of the delusions of your inner psyche. Question everything, most of all your own motives and drives. When you don’t understand, say so. If you need guidance ask for it. Look for meaning, not pleasure. The drive to pleasure is always there. You are human. But pleasure is fleeting. It can easily become a distraction. See life for what it is, a movie of your own making. Is your movie going to be about a hedonistic broken down spirit in a drunken stupor of pleasure seeking? Or a movie of wide eyed clarity, focus and purpose?
Own who you are. Declare it and then wear it like a badge of honor. What you stand for and what you are willing to fight, bleed and die for, that is who you are. Realize life happens to you, but you happen to life. Anything that happens to you, or is in your field of awareness, is your responsibility alone. Blaming and complaining are toxins to the spirit. These things steal your honor. It is by choice alone you set your path in motion.
Know when it’s time to draw your weapons and protect your honor & your tribe. Create boundaries rather than carrying baggage. Boundaries are the lines in the sand we draw. Do not tolerate encroachment. Never let a person define your boundaries for you. You must defend what is most sacred, your honor code, your loved ones, your creations, your legacy. Never let a person try to define you in a way you know you are not, or no longer wish to be.
Know exactly what you are willing to bleed for. Never be afraid to accumulate another wound or battle scar. Each time you are willing to bleed for what you stand for, you solidify your honor and your legacy. Fears are not meant to be avoided, they are meant to be confronted. Feelings are not meant to be stuffed, they are to be felt. No one ever became less fearful by avoiding their fears. Know when it is time to fight, and then be the first into battle and the last one out.
Create meaning and purpose in your life. There is no destination or arrival point in life. You don’t arrive in the land of happy. You will remain ever dissatisfied. It is a mistake to deny this reality. Life is your canvas and dissatisfaction drives you to paint. It is the essence of your creative energy. Harness it and create something beautiful. Decide on your purpose & meaning. You are not given a painting of happiness or meaning. You can’t buy a painting of happiness or meaning either. You must paint these things yourself. Recognize that your painting will never be completed. It is not meant to be. You don’t put the paint brush down until you die.
Give freely without expectation or need for reciprocation or desire for thanks. Realize that generosity is an energy currency that is meant to flow forward and away from you. You are the conduit. Let abundance flow through you and you will always attract it. It’s like water, it follows the path of least resistance. Be the source of this currency. Realize that most humans are programmed to take. Do your part to change this reality by giving so freely and in such big ways that others are at first shocked, but then inspired to do the same. Be the gift, be the kindness, be the change.
Leave a legacy. With all your intentions and all your interactions think, “what will this leave behind?” Your life is like a giant stone dropping into a small pond, only you get to choose the magnitude and direction of the ripples. Will the waves of your life lift others and guide them to places they would not have otherwise reached? Or will they topple others making their life more difficult? The intentions we set live after us. Turn those intentions into shining marble statues that inspire all you touch, all you meet and all they too will encounter.